Slot Systems

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a woman named Gail G.

This "Gail", a woman pushing forty, owned a restaraunt in the Show Me State.

One day while playing slots at AllSlots.com, Gail won a jackpot. She was playing one of the Lotsaloot progressive machines.

Gail won just over $67,000. And Gail was happy.

Gail's family was happy, too. With her winnings, she took the clan to Florida.

Hardcore gambler that she was, Gail decided to play slots while in Florida. So she took a laptop computer, "returning" to All Slots Casino at night in the hotel room.

Sure enough, only eight days out from her big win, Gail G. won a second time. She beat a Cash Splash progressive for nearly $32,000.

Yes, Gail won two progressive jackpots in eight days. Let us pause for a short rant.

Chuck (Aside): Why don't I have this kind of luck? It's not that I don't "invest" enough money in slot machines. Believe me, I gave at the office already...but, I'm happy for her. I'm certain Gail G. will give most of that to charity. That is, if you consider the next casino down the road a charity organization. (End Aside)

Anyway, to finish the story, Gail lived happily ever after. The End.

(Why do I get the suspicion Gail G. will write a book about this? Stay tuned for my review.)

Goldenpalace.com is up to its old tricks once again.

Golden Palace is known for off-the-wall guerilla marketing ploys. From boxers to streakers to desperate tattooed women, this outfit knows how to get attention. Now they've done it again.

To celebrate the latest p.r. move, and build suspense, it is time to present Chuck Flick's Top Ten List of Golden Palace Dot Com's Greatest Guerilla Marketing Ploys.

10. They payed Bernard Hopkins to write GoldenPalace.com on his back during the 2001 Hopkins-Felix Trinidad Fight. Good luck, too. Hopkins knocked Trinidad around all night. (This is when the world first heard of Golden Palace.)

9. The Palace payed over half a million dollars for the naming rights of a new species of monkey. I laugh thinking about the future generations of scientists who will wonder how in the world a primate came to be known as the "golden palace monkey".

8. Famed streaker Mark Roberts streaked at the Super Bowl. He wore a goldenpalace.com temporary tattoo, and many believe he was payed for the act. Speaking of tattoos, a New England Patriot linebacker sent Roberts to the showers with a massively painful form tackle.

7. They payed Terry Iligan to change her legal name to "goldenpalace.com". She didn't get all that much for her trouble, either...like 15-20 thousand.

6. Golden Palace payed Danny Bonaduce to write their name on his back during a celebrity boxing match. I bet it showed up real well across that pasty white billboard.

5. Streakers wearing Golden Palace temp tattoos struck at both the 2004 Winter and Summer Olympics. They spent all that time beefing up security to stop terrorists, but they can't stop the nudey people. Guess that doesn't show up as well on an scanner.

4. The online casino next bought the Jesus Sandwich. This was a grilled cheese sandwich which supposedly displayed the face of Jesus Christ. I saw the sandwich, and really couldn't pick out much of a face. Call me a disbeliever, I guess.

3. They payed a woman to wear a permanent goldenPalace.com tattoo on her forehead. It's in huge black letters, too.

2. Another goldenpalace.com streaker assault. This one happened to Jim Furyk at the 2003 U.S. Open golf tournament. The choose of "targets" was inspired. Furyk is, in my opinion, among the most stoic and unexciting players in golf...which is saying a lot. I think golf needs more streakers.

1. Golden Palace has just unveiled their most outrageous ploy yet: a Dennis Rodman slot machine. Yes, you can now play slots while watching the wackyiest moments of Rodman's career.

Okay, that's a lot of trouble to say there's a Rodman Slot Machine around these days. Also, that's about the least edgy of the ten marketing tactics. But if you've ever watched the Letterman Show, the #1 on the list is always the lamest one. That way, the crowd can applaud and not be distracted laughing at the joke. (Thanks you for the applause.)

So there you have it. We should have seen this one coming when Golden Palace had Rodman participate in the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain a couple of years ago.

I haven't played this slot machine yet. The pictures on the reels are supposed to depict Rodman highlights from his NBA career...like the time he headbutted the ref.

After posting the other day about one of the great slots con men in the business, I decided to do a little research on the subject.

I found an interesting discussion going on at http://www.casinomeister.com/forums/online-casinos/4552-insiderslotsecrets-scam-alert-was-is-worthwhile.html.

Let me introduce you to Giancarlo Capuccio. Not only is he a gambling guru, but Giancarlo was also once a Top 20 ranked tennis player.

Presumably, Mr. Capuccio was ranked #20 or better in men's professional tennis on the ATP tour. That doesn't seem to be the case.

Maybe he's talking about his local country club's tennis rankings. I once placed 9th in a local tournament. So there you have it.

Not only is Giancarlo a tennis pro, but he has several other fields of expertise.

Included in these are internet guitar lessons and an e-book exposing witchcraft as fake.

I'm hoping Giancarlo Capuccio writes an e-book exposing pro wrestling as a fraud. Those fights are rigged, you know?

Or maybe he can tell us how to beat the lottery, like Bill Stone. But it might be hard to keep the two seperate at that point.

Like Bill Stone, Mr. Capuccio sells his casino wisdom for just under $50. Like Bill Stone, Mr. Cappucio offers a 90-day moneyback guarantee.

Hey, one of these guys is ripping the other off.

Let me look at things a little closer. Giancarlo Capuccio sells e-books with exotic names like "Wheel of Fortune Winning Secrets", "Baccarat Course" and (my favorite) "The Magic Roulette System".

Hey, those sound like the e-books I bought from Bill Stone. His e-books were named "Wheel of Fortune Winning Secrets", "Baccarat Course" and (another favorite of mine) "The Magic Roulette System".

One of these guys should sue the other. This is fraud, clear and simple.

Oh wait...maybe there's a connection here...maybe Bill Stone is Giancarlo Capuccio.

If that were the case--and I'm not saying it is--then Bill Stone might not be my personal gambling consultant's real name.

On the other hand, that would mean Bill Stone is an ace tennis player and an expert in the field of witchcraft. Add that to his talent for beating the lottery, and Bill Stone is what I would call a renaissance man.

That is, assuming the Renaissance had its share of swindlers.

I was checking out jackpot winners at InterCasino.com the other day. As I did so, I asked myself why that couldn't be me.

I have to say...I'm a damned good man. I give to charities. I'm polite to old ladies. Still, I never catch a whiff of a jackpot.

But "Sture" from Denmark won a jackpot. Sture's girlfriend gave him a kiss as she was off to work. He decides to put in twenty bucks. On the twenty-first dollar spent, he strikes gold. The next thing you know, Sture is $198,000 richer.

That's a testament to knowing when to play your gut.

Enjoy the windfall, "Sture". I hope your girlfriend appreciates your dedication. She probably would have called it gambling addiction before yesterday.

The wife of "William H." hit it big, too. He went off to bed, assuming the wife was on her way, too. She decided to play a few more hands, instead. As William H. was nodding off, he heard the wife screaming from the computer room.

No, there weren't robbers in the house. William's wife had won over $250,000.

And then there's JeromeD...

Jerome got a feeling he was going to win a jackpot on his latest session. So he kept at it. Lo and behold, he pulled down nearly $300,000.

The moral of JeromeD's story? "Perseverance," replies the winner.

Now, "JeromeD" is going to send his daughter to college with that money. Good for you, JD. You should probably send her to UNLV.

I've decided something. Jackpots always happen when people are about to quit, at least at Intercasino. So I have a new strategy.

The next time I start playing the slot machines, I'm going to pretend I'm about to leave. "One more, and that's it," I'll say a lot. "I was only going to drop in ten dollars, but maybe I should give it one pull."

Then I'll win my jackpot. If Sture can do it, so can I.

Intercasino.com, here comes Chuck.