Slot Systems

For my return to the game of slots, I decided to play the Crazy Dragon slot machine.

The highest possible jackpot for this game is 3000 x the wager. I had to play the 5 coin wager to get these rates, though.

Chuck's Aside to my Veteran Readers: I know, I know, it's a no-brainer to mention you have to place the maximum bet to get the higher rate on the jackpot. But I have to mention it to the newbie players who might be reading. I would be negligent otherwise.

Crazy Dragon offers a respin mode that's a big part of this game. I hit two respin modes during my first session, with bonus respins added during that mode.

The best way to win respins is completing the dragon pattern. On each of the three reels, there is one-third of the pattern. Respectively from the left, middle and right reels, there is the head, the torso and the tail of a dragon.

If a couple of these match up, you win a little bit of money and the respins, also known as bonus spins.

I would tell you what happens when all three dragon segments connect, but I imagine you win a lot of money and quit your job.

As for the aesthetics of the game, it stood out to me. It was exotic. It conjured up to me the "wealth of the orient". Wealth is good.

Crazy Dragon captures the flair of the Far East. I use the vague "Far East" term because it seems a hodge-podge of East Asian. Some of the imagery seems Chinese, from the pictures of firecrackers and Chinese-style dragons, while much of it seems Japanese, from the bonzai trees to pagodas.

I'm not sure which culture the fishbone is tied to, but it's possibly Atlantean. Atlantis is known for its crazy dragons, you know?

This session, my loss limit was $50. If at any time during the session I had lost fifty bucks, I would walk away from the machine. Also, if at any time I went up fifty bucks, I would take my winnings and quit.

That's called grinding out small wins. You grind out the small wins, hoping for the big win. The less you lose, the longer you play. The longer you play, the better chance you have of winning the big jackpot.

That's why you grind out small wins and small losses. It's called money management.

Notice these terms I keep italicizing? Those are terms John Patrick wants you to know. You learn a few of these terms, and there's no need to buy Patrick's book.

Actually, there's no reason to buy most of the slots guides on the market. These are the standard terms for one of these books. If you want a synopsis of any of these books, here it goes...money management...loss control...this system assures a higher expected return...the "cold" machine is a myth, so watch out...no, you aren't "due" for a win...and my favorite...the casino will hate seeing you walk in the door.

John Patrick adds a few flourishes. He inserts wacky names like Bill O. Knee (baloney) and I.M Madork (no explanation needed), to keep you entertained throughout the production.

It's funny, because of all those people running around out there named Knee and Madork. This stuff is taken from real life, you see?

So how did the session go?

It stunk. I played a long one, which was good. It lasted 43 spins. This wasn't counting those bonus spins. I got one for 20 free spins, then added +5 and +2 later.

Later, I added a 4 bonus spin, and added +8, +2 and +6. That's 47 bonus spins and all. Basically, they were mini-spins, so the reel kept spinning automatically, keeping me from having to do much of anything but watch.

But none of them mattered. My biggest win was 30 credits, while I had a several 6 credits wins.

So I lost a smooth fifty bucks. End of session. (sigh)

Starting Money: $637.93 Ending Money: $587.93

LOSING SESSION

BTW, quick mention of a really cool site about online casinos at Online Casino Conditions - check this one out. TONS of useful information for anyone interested in online casino gambling or online slots.

I'm testing slot systems again!

You read that right; I finally have enough financial wherewithal to once again start playing slot systems for real money. More importantly, that means I'll be posting the results of my sessions in this space.

For those new to Slot Systems, let me tell you three things you should know about this little blog.

1. My name is Chuck Flick. Everywhere I look these days, there are slots gurus telling me how to win a million dollars. But I never see anyone post results when using these systems. So I've decided to put these guides to the test, to show the world my results. It's called science.

2. The first guru I'm testing is John Patrick. He has a whopping 25 systems in his not-so groundbreaking book, John Patrick's Slots. I'm putting each and every one of these systems to the test. Because there are twenty-five to test, I've talked an awful lot about John Patrick in this blog.

If my readers didn't know me better, they might think I'm stalking this poor septugenarian. That isn't the case, though all elderly people should have a stalker; it makes them feel important.

3. I, Chuck Flick, have lost hundreds of dollars testing John Patrick's slot systems. That's right; in testing the first seven or eight systems, I've lost upwards of $500!

You, too, can learn my secrets for losing lots of money at slots. Just sign up for this free introductory offer.

Believe me, I've had my wins and losses. But I keep grinding out small losses, while boasting the odd medium-sized win here and there. It doesn't add up so far.

For a while I stopped playing slots at all. I was losing too much money and couldn't afford to continue to take the financial hits.

As scientists like myself often say, my funding had dried up.

I mean, to be honest with everyone, I'm not independantly wealthy. As I've said once or twice before, I would like to make a fortune playing slots, then retire to a tropical island.

You know, somewhere like Antigua, for instance.

But back to the task at hand. The next slot system I'll be testing is The Step.

This is an advanced strategy. It combines several of the other strategies already used.

This should only be tried by trained professionals. In lieu of that, I'll do it myself.

The Step System is a set betting pattern, meant to control the size of your bets.

First, you decide which number of coins to use. John Patrick suggests 3 or 5. I'm choosing 5. That qualifies me for jackpots on any progressive machines I might choose.

Second, you decide which pattern to use. I'll bet $0.25 cents per coin for the first five bets, which would be $1.25 per bet. Then I'll move up progressively, to $3, then $5 and so on.

Each will include five bets. Then I move on to the next level. There will be no deviations. No exceptions. John Patrick knows this teaches economic discipline.

Third, I'll be playing at breakawaycasino.com. I figure I'll play several different machines, including Crazy Dragon, Realm of Riches, Mermaid Queen, Honey to the Bee, and one of my favorites, It's Good To Be Bad.

Wish me luck. It's time to go back into my laboratory...

I got some interesting feedback on Slot Systems the other day.

I went from a muckraking journalist to a scam artist in half a minute's time. Let me explain.

Comments on this blog go to my email. Most of the comments come from "Anonymous". I assume this isn't same person month after month. I figure most people don't want to reveal their true identity to that unknown blogger who seems obsessed with a few obscure scam artists.

You know, people are intimidated by Chuck Flick.

Anyway, whether "anonymous" is one person or a whole army of readers, he or she had made a comment about my latest Bill Stone expose. Here is an excerpt.

"Yeah. do not go for this guy. I never receive gambling related emails to this address and after I went to Vegas, registered with a "slot card" corporation...(and) I received these emails from Bill Stone OH! B.S. perfect anagram eh?...Its fun for these guys and they are most likely a marketing guy at a major gambling operation so that they drive business either way. So for them, its a win win win win, you loose loose loose."

So, I was getting good feedback. I was happy to get the word around. Then the next email I got burst my bubble.

It, too, was from "anonymous".

"scammers come here too nice try. and a plug for a website! wow. internet is just crap for truth."

This was in regards to a post I made about Intercasino.com. In the post, I ranted about several people who'd recently won jackpots there.

Okay, it wasn't one of my better offerings. I'll admit that. We all have our off days. But should it have aroused such righteous indignation?

I think not.

In fact, I was more mystified than anything by the charge.

The best I could figure, anonymous seems to think that scammers go to intercasino. My critic seems to think I'm trying to lure people into a scam at that online site. I'm not sure what the scam is, but it sounds nefarious.

Now, I've played at Inter Casino on many occasions. They are little different than any of the other casinos I've played at. No better and no worse.

Whatever the case, I don't know that the casino is known for its scams.

Obviously, if that's the case, I would hope one of my readers would enlighten me. You can even do so anonymously. I like that kinda cloak-and-dagger stuff, you know?

But back to the charges at hand.

I'm also accused of giving a plug for an online casino.

Let me say unequivocally, I'm not plugging for InterCasino. I mention the site, but only because I want people who are searching for Intercasino to find Slot Systems and read what I have to say. I like gamblers to read my blog.

You might not have known that about me.

More imporantly, I'm not an affilitiate for Intercasino.

It might be more interesting to break down on here and make an admission. I could say my name's not really Chuck Flick. I could admit that I'm actually the infamous grifter known as Tricky McTrick, and that I'll soon be moving my act down the road somewhere, but folks...that just wouldn't be true.

So there you have it. I'm one of the good guys. At least I think I'm one of the good guys. I kind of consider myself an internet vigilante.

I saw a site the other day called Slots Hero. But I'm not like that. I'm more of a slots anti-hero.

I'm like the Punisher, getting revenge against the gambling scam artists who murdered my family.

Hell, yeah. I'm taking down all the Bill Stones and John Patricks of the industry. And if I find out they're up to something, I'm taking down Intercasino.

Hmm...there was an Intergang in DC Comics...Intergang...Intercasino...maybe Anonymous is onto something.

Jamie Gold became the next poker star with his win of the 2006 World Series of Poker Main Event.

In doing so, he won a cool $12,000,000 in cash.

Gold personally eliminated seven of his eight opponents at the final table. By the time he administered the coup de grace to runner-up Paul Wasicka, Gold had over $70 million of the 87 million chips in the tournament.

So who the Hell is Jamie Gold?

Here's what I know about him.

1. He is a former Hollywood talent agent.

2. Mr. Gold helped to launch the careers of James Gandolfini, Jimmy Fallon, Kristin Davis and Felicity Huffman.

3. He lives in Malibu, California. Apparently, he was already doing pretty well.

4. Throughout the tornament, Gold has been mentored by two-time former main event champ, Johnny Chan. I wonder if Mr. Chan will recieve a consulting fee.

5. Jamie Gold met Johnny Chan when they began producing a television show together. Another story says Gold gave Chan free agent representation in exchange for poker lessons. NOTE: One of these stories sounds apocryphal, but I don't know which one.

6. On ESPN's first ever pay-per-view broadcast of the main event yesterday, Phil Hellmuth picked up a tell on Mr. Gold. Hellmuth said the champ fondled his chips differently when he had a big hand.

Interestingly, on the final bluff that put out Wasicka, Mr. Wasicka claimed he had been able to read Gold all day, but guessed wrong this time.

7. Gold's mother was in attendance.

8. Gold's father could not attend. He is dying of Lou Gehrig's Disease.

9. He quit his talent scout job to become an agent six months ago.

10. Jamie Gold plays the big money game at the Commerce Casino in Los Angeles.

11. Bodog.com bought his way in. Apparently, he was part of a group of "celebrity" players Bodog payed for, including Mekhi Fifer and Dean Cain.

12. Gold studied entertainment law at UCLA. What the heck is entertainment law? I guess only in L.A.

13. He is reportedly neighbors with Chris "Jesus" Ferguson.

14. Gold said at one time he might dump his chips to come in second. He isn't comfortable with the fame of being the champ. Better get comfortable with it now, buddy.

15. I may end up hating this guy. Come on, the World Series of Poker got huge because the common guy was winning. Not some Hollywood producer. Doesn't want the attention, huh?

"Hey, look at me, I don't want the fame of being a rich poker player. I just want to go back to my cozy, anonymous life as a Hollywood producer in Malibu." Argh.

Okay, this is the rare post on something other than the slot machine world. I'm going to talk today about the 2006 World Series of Poker.

This has become Christmas Eve in the sport of gambling. The final table at the World Series of Poker Main Event is set. Tomorrow, a new King of Poker will be annointed.

The gambling community holds its collective breath. The king is dead; long live the new king and all that stuff.

Actually, the old king has been dead for about two weeks. Joe Hachem busted out in the first few hours of his defense.

Frankly, I was glad to hear that. I have a friend who's met Hachem since his title win last year and (apparently) Hachem is a real asshat.

But let's talk for a minute about this year's presumptive asshat.

Coming into the final day, the current chip leader is some guy named Jamie Gold. He has 25.65 million in chips.

I don't know a thing about this Gold fellow. All I do know is he's already hired his own bodyguards. I guess that story about Greg Raymer being held up a couple of years ago had Mr. Gold thinking.

Also, Jamie has told a friend he's "gonna win". Why do I think that all nine final players have told someone that?

I mean, I can't imagine one of them telling a friend, "Well, I'm losing it all quick tomorrow, but at least I'm a freaking millionaire. Slap me some skin..."

Allen Cunningham is in second place.

Yes, that's Allen Cunningham of Hendon Mob fame. Yeah, those British guys that all dress in black, wears sunglasses and scowl like they're in some Guy Ritchie movie. Those guys that had their asses handed to them in that Hendon Mob vs. the U.S.A. All-Stars event last year.

Cunningham is the last established professional in the tourney. Holding 17.77 million in chips, he's in a strong position to take the others down.

You would think he is the odds-on favorite. But being an old pro never seems to matter at these main event final tables, so Cunningham's probably the last one that will win. I guess one pro still doesn't have great odds against eight lucky amateurs.

The other seven amateurs are:

Richard Lee - 11.82 million chips
Erik Freiberg - 9.6 million chips
Paul Wasicka - 7.96 million chips
Doug Kim - 6.77 million chips
Rhett Butler - 4.815 million chips
Michael Binger - 3.14 million chips
Dan Nassif - 2.6 million chips

I'm guessing Erik Freiburg will win. Gold and Cunningham are such obvious choices. And Richard Lee sounds like a civil war general.

I saw where Cunningham described Erik Freiburg as a tough player. I get the idea Freiburg would have more chips, but he's been unlucky in a couple of situations. That often carries through a tournament.

Still, all it takes is for one or two hands at the final table to go his way.

I'll update in the next day or two to see how good I am at prediction. If I'm as lucky at that as I am at hitting slot machine jackpots, Frieburg will be the first one out.

He might not even show up for the final table.

I got another email advertisement from Giancarlo Capuccio, aka Bill Stone.

Yes, he switches identities in his own e-form letters. There's nothing suspicious about that, because I'm pretty sure Giancarlo is Italian for Bill.

Every couple of weeks, Mr. Capuccio sends all his former customers a new email. Basically, he's trying to sell foolishness to fools like me who've bought his line before.

This time, G.C. is bragging that he's hacked into Gamblingmentors.com online casino. With his inside information, you get $30 dollars. You also get a $300 signup bonus.

Then he gives a link to the site, to help you on your way.

I love this guy!

The email is signed at the end by none other than the Gambling Mentors.

Let me say that again. Giancarlo claims he hacked gamblingmentors.com, then signs off by admitting he's one of the Gambling Mentors.

I mean, you would think he would try to make the scam a little less blatant.

I can see him now.

"Oh, well. They won't read down that far. I could sign it The Devil and no one would notice. Hey, look," he tells a buddy as he pecks away at the keyboard, "I'm going to sign this one Adolf Hitler."

Have I mentioned that Bill Stone is a scam artist?

Anyway, for those who disagree, joining Bill Stone's gamblingmentors.com through Bill Stone's super-secret link automatically signs you up for a $1,000 raffle.

My guess the winner of the big raffle will be named Bill Capuccio, or some such.