Slot Systems

InterCasino.com offers the Marvel Superheroes slots game.

I've played these slot machines once before during these sessions and they were quite a hoot. So I decided for the "Down the Steps" sessions, I would give The House of Ideas another try.

When I played The Hulk last time, I lost around $30. But I was playing The Squirrel Method at the time, so I have a built-in advantage this time around.

I like The Hulk slot machine. It has pictures of tanks and serums and mushroom clouds...you know, all the stuff that made us love the Hulk as a kid.

It has General Thunderbolt Ross and The Abomination and some guy I don't recognize who looks like a zombie. Mostly, it has Dr. Bruce Banner and The Hulk.

The Hulk has a burning rage, just like I do. His was caused by gamma radiation, while mine is caused by flawed slots wisdom.

Luckily, the U.S. military hasn't tried to apprehend me yet. At least I think that's the case.

This was my longest session yet. It lasted a marathon 65 pulls.

I had the normal limits of $50 up and down. The naked pull limit was 7. So there was nothing odd about how I approached this.

This was a come-from-behind win for me. I started out losing, and then I got hot. The Hulk got angry, and then he started to smash stuff.

This slot machine has a cool bonus game. Suddenly, this real dramatic music comes up. Then you see the Hulk facing a tank and a gunship helicopter.

You have to choose to attack one or the other. I chose the helicopter a lot, because it looked cooler when The Hulk swatted it away.

Depending on which one you choose, you get money. If you choose the wrong one, you might get shot. It seems like you can get shot two (maybe three) time before the bonus game is over.

So I had 26 winning spins on this game. Most of these were lameass 50 cent spins. I had one worth $18 and another worth $17.

And then The Hulk went crazy. I hit the bonus game and came up with a big $117.75 spin.

It hardly mattered that the tank took down The Hulk in the end. That would never happen in the comics, but I don't care at the moment, because I won about $148 on this session.

Down The Steps is working out quite nicely for me.

Starting Money: $578.41 Ending Money: $726.06

WINNING SESSION

I hope I don't confuse everyone with the next method I use.

It's a real bizarro betting system. It turns the world on its elbow. Yes, it's the Down the Steps Method.

Those who have been reading my recents posts know about the Steps Method of slots betting.

In the steps, you start out with a low number of coins. As you move up the steps, you increase your bets in increments. These are standard increases that you determine before you ever step in front of a slot machine.

Okay, that's pretty easy to understand. That's why they call it the "step". It's as simple as one-two-three.

Down the Steps is much more complicated. Bear with me here. I apologize. Most places that explain these difficult mathematical principles, they have chalkboards so you can follow along. Here we go.

In Down The Steps, you start out with a high number of coins, and bet going the opposite way. It goes three-two-one.

3-2-1 is a lot more complicated than 1-2-3. The human brain isn't wired to think that way.

That's why it takes a man with the knowledge and experience of John Patrick to come up with this stuff. Of course, John was the master of explaining these difficult concepts to a wider audience.

"What goes up, must come down."

That perfectly crystallizes Down The Steps in one simple phrase. Let me repeat the words for you, to let this wisdom sink in.

"What goes up, must come down."

...(short pause)...

It comes down the steps, you see. That's what he called the last betting method...Steps.

So anyway, I'll be playing at Intercasino.com.

There's one very good reason I'm doing that. Basically, I'm just about out of money at Breakaway.com.

Intercasino...my bets start out high and end low...that's about all you need to know about this latest slots system.

So we come to the end of my gaming sessions for John Patrick's Step Method. Another slot system has been put to the test and been found wanting.

I played five sessions and bet a good $800.

Throughout, I had one winning session and four losing ones.

The win was for $56.80. The losses were for $51.00, $54.50, $10.05 and $50.00, for a total loss of $165.55 in the losing sessions.

In all, I lost $88.75 through the five sessions. That comes to a payback percentage of around 89%.

That's lame, people.

Of course, I'm assuming these slot machines pay back better than that and everything would even out over a larger sample of bets. But I also remember that one of my losing sessions was cut short. It could have been worse.

I was probably going to lose another $40 on that session. That Realm of Riches slot machine was going to plunder me, man.

Now, I can see John Patrick's reply, "You didn't follow my system right. You left the one system early. Did your bets follow the classic step method?"

Then he would call me some whacky name like Don Nojack.

"You have to follow the Step Method step-by-step. You can't leave any part out."

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know the routine.

But let's review this from an objective point-of-view.

Slot machines have a certain payback percentage. Casinos have a house edge. Money management and slot systems cannot change that fact.

To win, you have to get lucky. That's why they call it gambling.

Casinos make a profit, because they have a house edge. That's why Vegas can afford all those bright lights.

Those are the facts.

It's a hard lesson that's cost me around $500 to learn, but I'm learning it. I hope everyone reading this blog is coming to the same conclusion.

Play slots. Use the slot system of your choice. But do it for the entertainment of it, paying money you would normally pay to watch a movie or concert. Don't put down your car payment, because you'll probably lose your car.

These are entertainment dollars, not investments. The rare person gets really lucky, but you're more likely going to be part of the multitude that is contributing to that person's jackpot.

That being said, I hope to have my conclusions overturned. I will not be close-minded about the slot machine.

I'll keep putting my money in the slots. I'll continue these sessions. The experiment continues.

Keep me in your prayers, people.

It might not be news to gamblers who play online slots, but there are radical changes coming for the way casino slot machines work.

I play a lot of online slots. So I'm pretty used to the idea that an online casino operator somewhere in the world can modify the program in his "slot machines" and even change the payback odds on the game I'm playing.

Let's face it; regulation is a lot harder online than in land-based casinos.

But slots players better get used to the same concept at their local gambling halls. Very soon, casinos will have the technology to reprogram their odds on all their machines from the control room in the back.

There was a time when such modifications took hours, if not days. That isn't the case any more.

With the computerization of slot machines, the ability to reprogram them in a matter of seconds is not just possible, but realistic.

Before you think casinos are going to change the rules in the middle of the game, here are four laws which should reassure you. These are standard in Vegas, but the Nevada laws are the model for lawmakers across the states.

1. Casino operators cannot change the odds on a slot machine while it is being played.

2. They cannot change the odds for four minutes after someone stops playing the machine.

3. That same machine much be offline for four minutes after the odds have been changed.

4. While the odds are being changed, the machine must display to customers that its odds are being modified.

Now, that probably won't assure the more paranoid customers out there.
If it takes half a minute to change the odds on a machine, what is to keep an unscrupulous casino manager from changing the odds?

Well, enlightened self-interest is the best answer I can give. If it were learned that a casino was "changing the dice" in the middle of the game, then that casino would face crippling fines and its operators would face criminal charges.

Perhaps worse, that casino would become infamous in the gaming public, red-flagged by the insiders who give casinos the bulk of their profits.

Of course, conspiracy theorists might wonder if more subtle forms of gambling discrimination will take place.

Some gamers fear that regulars will get preferential treatment, to assure the regulars keep returning. Others are concerned that high rollers will get the red carpet treatment, assuring where they will spend their gaming dollars.

But I figure this is just the technological evolution of the slot machine industry. Basically, casinos are wanting to become more efficient, and they want to provide better services for gamers.

If you want to play a certain type of game, then you can request it and have it programmed into the system in a matter of minutes. And if you are a whale, then your requests will probably get you first in line.

Preferential treatment, maybe, but I imagine it's hardly anything insidious.

The answer, of course, is to win a huge progressive jackpot and retire to a tropical island. Then you won't have to worry about such nonsense.

I decided to try It's Good To Be Bad for my next session.

I've played this machine before, but not using the Step Method. I tried it using the Play And Run method, but that was a long time ago.

The Play-and-Run also isn't a full test of It's Good To Be Bad. In that game, you play for four minutes, then you run. You run on to the next slot machine, that is.

The more naked spins you have on this machine, the better your chances of winning really big. It's a great scam, and I applaud the game designers. The machine seems to have been designed to thwart John Patrick's Play And Run techniques.

In the play-and-run, you are running about the time your session really turns bad. Well, it's good to be bad on It's Good To Be Bad, so the game might as well have been called It's Bad To Run When Things're Just Getting Bad.

But the Step Method is a much more methodical system. It's a full exploration of a machine.

Of course, when things get bad, sometimes they stay bad. And that's what happened on this session.

Nearly 40 "pulls" with nothing better than a few four dollar wins.

In fact, this session was almost a mirror image of my earlier It's Good To Be Bad session. About the same number of plays, about the same amount of success. The only difference was I didn't lose fifty dollars the first time around.

In short, I should have run when I simply stepped.

Starting Money: $534.63 Ending Money: $483.63

LOSING SESSION

I've been looking ahead to the next slots guide for my experiments.

I mean, I don't want John Patrick to think I'm just picking on him. I talk so much about him that I may seem obsessed with the old coot.

But he detailed 25 slot systems. I'm going to give each one of them about 25 sessions of study. So I'm talking about 625 posts about John Patrick.
It's a full scientific study. I should apply for a government grant.

Still, I've thought about checking out other books' systems. To that end, I looked around on Amazon.com today to scout ahead. Here's the list I've compiled.

1. Slot Machine Strategy: Winning Methods For Hitting The Jackpot by MacIntyre Symms

I like the title of this book. It has a colon in the title. In my mind, a good slots guide has to have a sub-title.

I like the name "MacIntyre Symms", too. It's very imposing. I figure Mr. Symms is a scholar. Professor MacIntyre Symms sounds about right.

The synopsis offers money management tips, which are important in a strategy guide. I figured John Patrick would sue Mr. Symms over money management, since he invented that slots strategy, but I guess they've worked it out.

Something really caught my mind about this book. Professor Symms offers funny tips on what to do with your money when you win the big jackpot. He probably talks about moving to a tropical island, like I'm going to do.

2. Slot Smarts: Winning Strategies at the Slot Machine by Claude Halcombe

Okay, this is another solid title. It has a sub-title, but it has the virtue of being brief and to the point. I like that in a subtitle.

I tend to wonder about that name, Claude Halcombe. He could be French, though the surname is probably British. Claude is possibly the offspring of some forbidden Anglo-French love affair.

I'm leery of this one. I expect purple prose, though there is nothing to suggest that in his reviews. He's accused of moralizing. That's probably a product of self-loathing, since he was born out of wedlock and all.

One thing I did like was talk of his "luck management" techniques. This sounds like a step up from mere money management strategies, though it may just be an example of that purple prose I was talking about earlier.

It comes with a spreadsheet. I'll put this one on the short list.

3. Secrets of Modern Slots by Larry Mak

This one has no subtitle. Larry Mak was the nickname of my high school gym teacher. I don't trust this strategy guide.

The catchphrase for this one is "Ignorance may be bliss...", and goes on to tell us that isn't the case with slot machines.

He's right, but I hate Larry Mak anyway. I'll avoid this one.

4. Slot Machine Answer Book: How They Work, How They've Changed and How To Overcome The House Edge by John Grochowski

Okay, now that is an imposing subtitle. It tells you what's on its mind.

How it fits on a book cover, I'm not sure. But it's top notch, all the same.

This book uses the Socratic Method to get to the truth of slot machines.

The author posits a questions, then answers that question according to his slots theories.

One thing I don't like is that it has quiz questions. I don't want to have to take a test on my slots knowledge. I left that stuff behind, just like Larry Mak.

I don't see any mention of slot systems being offered. It is more a general discussion of the slots industry. Interesting, but probably not for our purposes here.

Ultimately, John Grochowski is too respected in this business. There wouldn't be any fun in listening to his advice. Besides, it sounds like there aren't any real strategies in this, just level-headed slots wisdom.

Who needs that?

5. Avery Cardoza's 100 Slots Strategy Guide

This one has no editorial synopsis. It has no buyer reviews. There is nothing about the author to suggest his expertise.

It doesn't even have a colon or a subtitle.

But the mysterious title seems to imply there might be 100 different slot systems to play. Avery Cardoza may have bested John Patrick four-fold.

This one could be a keeper.

"Chuck's sweating fingers paused as their tips touched the keyboard of his Compaq Presario.

It had been another all-night session, and Chuck still hadn't quite recovered from the beating he just took. He rubbed the fingers from his left hand through his thinning hair, letting out a sigh as he began focusing his thoughts.

As he started to type, Chuck saw his own reflection in the monitor. His nervous tick returned. His body almost gave a shudder. Chuck reached for his glass of cognac, gulping the drink like a latino child after downing his first habanera pepper.

The ashes on his cigarette were long and gnarled, pointing like an old man's finger at the computer screen, as if urging Chuck to finish what he had started..." --The Many Loves of Chuck Flick

That's how the novel version of this blog would read.

It would read like an old pulp detective novel, you see, because your faithful reporter is a gritty burnout of a man. I have to be, to take the ass-kickings that I keep taking during these slots sessions.

Yes, I have another loss to report.

For my latest session at the Breakaway Casino, I chose the Honey To The Bee slot machine.

There's not a whole lot of mystery to this machine. It's got a bee hive. It has a comical looking bee. It has a rather average looking beetle.

Otherwise, it has card ranks. So there's not a whole lot of excitement about this game. (sigh) I don't even have the energy to make the customary "buzz" joke.

There were 27 pulls in this session. 9 of them won me money. One was for $12 and the other was for $14.50.

It didn't matter. Just about every other spin was a loss, or was so small that it might as well have been.

You know, these slots systems of John Patrick's don't seem to be working very well. I don't care to count the money I've lost playing them.

For those who are just joining, Mr. Patrick is the author of the Step Method. It's one of twenty-five unique systems John once devised to win at slots. These were put forth in John Patrick's Slot Systems, which has been my guidebook during the length of this blog.

That is, my guidebook to loss and tragedy.

Either the systems are flawed, or my execution of the systems are flawed.

No matter how much "money management" I apply to this slots problem, at the end of the day, I still put my money in the machine and leave the results to chance. And most of the time, it seems like the percentages are against me.

That's at least what it seems like, despite John's helpful wisdom.

I get the idea that John Patrick's been down this path before.

I don't think there's such a thing as a John Patrick novel, but I'm assuming it would be very similar to mine. That bastard.

Starting Money: $589.13 Ending Money: $534.63

LOSING SESSION

I bet everyone who reads this blog has read online Slots Tips pages.

Have you ever noticed that one of the first tips is to always play the maximum coins?

Now, I suppose that's good advice most of the time. But it isn't neccessarily the best way to go.

In fact, there's at least one respected oddsmaker who argues otherwise.
I've been reading Gambling 102, a top notch gaming guide by Michael Shackleford.

You might know Shackleford better by his more famous online sobriquet, The Wizard of Odds. Once again, if you're reading this blog, you have no doubt come across wizardofodds.com.

Anyway, Shackleford is about as respected as it gets online. If you look at his site, he's consulted for pretty much every gaming company in the free world. And he says that you might be better off playing only one coin on a larger denomination machine.

How could that be? Well, here's the Wizard's points.

1. Unless you are playing a progressive, the jackpot reward may not be worth the extra risk.

Okay, if you only play progressive jackpots, move onto the next post. You probably don't need to hear this.

But if you like playing the flat top machines, listen closely, my students.
The chances of winning a jackpot are low. Factoring in the non-progressive jackpot does not increase your overall risks a lot.

In fact, you might be lowering your odds by playing the same amount of money on a lower denomination machine, even with the jackpot odds added in. That's because of the following fact...

2. Bigger denomination machines tend to pay off at a higher rate than lower denomination machines.

Yes, that quarter machine is more likely to give a better payback percentage than the nickel machine. So instead of playing five nickels, it might be better for you to play one quarter.

Besides, I hate having to lug around all those nickels. What happens if you end your session early and don't have time to cash out those nickels?

Drive-thru restaurant attendents will be hating you from one end of town to another.

Of course, you need to factor in if those quarter machines pay back more for higher denominations, to see if that throws off your numbers. But there's a lot of sense in the idea.

But if calculate that you you get a better payback percentage playing one quarter than five nickels, you should be playing the quarter machine despite the conventional wisdom.

3. There are some slot machines in casinos which take advantage of the max coin assumption.

You read that right. Those slot machine designers are a pretty crafty bunch.

They know most people "know" to play the max coins. So why not throw in a machine every once in a while that takes advantage of the public?

Island Hoppers Slots is one of those machines. On many of its wagers, you actually get less of a return percentage the more coins you pay.

That's a crazy bizarro game; that's what that is. It turns the world on its ear.

For my next session at Break Away Casino, I chose Realm of Riches.

Realm of Riches is a 20 line, five reel machine which offers a free spin bonus game.

This game imagines a medieval realm, a realm of magnificent riches. Instead of fighting dragons, black knights and evil wizards to win the gold, you play slots.

Think about it; that would be one helluva fantasy kingdom.

The game's reel pictures in this case come from this fantasy kingdom. There's a knight in crusader-era armor. Another picture has a one of those helmets with the nosepiece. There's a castle tower and a bejewelled crown, and some kind of a crest on a shield.

And as usual, there's the card ranks. I've already stated my views of this feature of the slot machine, so I won't be going over that ground again. (Look at my previous post.)

It does have a hot blonde princess. I know she's a princess, because she has a tiara on. Princesses always wear tiaras. I have to say, the princess may be hotter than the mermaid queen. It probably depends on whether you prefer blondes or redheads.

This was a shortened session. I should probably stipulate that I didn't follow John Patrick's system perfectly, so this is a session I will probably throw out of my data. That's what a good scientist does.

The problem, I was interrupted half-way through the session and had to end it early. So it finished at only 28 spins, and that's with the bonus spin added in.

Actually, I've had shorter sessions, so I should probably record this one like the others. The only difference is, I didn't reach my loss limit or, if you want to be optimistic, my win limit.

This was one of those games that didn't pay much when you hit certain lines, because you have twenty of the freakin' things. So you have the illusion of winning a lot, when actually you aren't winning a thing at all.

Also, music played when you hit several lines at once. I couldn't exactly place it, but it sounded like a piece of Baroque period classical music. Don't quote me on that. I honestly don't want to hear it again.

I mean, that snippet of music was supposed to signal a win, but since I was only winning (like) 80 cents a time, the music got annoying pretty fast. It played on nearly half the spins, so it got real repetitive real quick.

If you don't like music playing everytime you when 80 cents, I would recommend you avoid this game. They celebrate stuff like that in the Realm of Riches.

My biggest wins were 5 dollars and 12.50, the latter one coming on a 10 free spin cycle.

Of course, by the time everything was said and done, I had lost $10.05. Then I got distracted and ended the session.

So I had another losing session...as usual. Thanks, John Patrick; I'm so depressed.

Starting Money: $599.18 Ending Money: $589.13

LOSING SESSION

I chose Mermaid Queen for my next session at Breakaway Casino.

Mermaid Queen was a mixed bag. The first picture I saw was a Spanish galleon, which I thought was solid enough.

Pirates used to attack Spanish gold ships. And you may not have known this, but I like pirates. One of my rules is, if it was good enough for the pirates, then it's good enough for me.

The next thing I see is some dude without a shirt.

Do we really need this?

I mean, we're not talking about a salty looking pirate with a knife clinched in his teeth or anything. We're talking about some cartoon guy that's supposed to look like Fabio.

Clearly, this Fabio character is hooking up with the Mermaid Queen.

Meanwhile, it took several spins to see the queen herself. At least, I assume it's the queen. She's a hot redhead, with her long hair strategically placed to cover her "thingies".

Then I started to notice several other suggestive images. I saw a pearl necklace. Then I saw a clam with a pearl in it.

Clearly, this game is trying to tell us something...something about the mermaid queen, is my guess. We're all adults here. I think you know what ole Chuck is saying.

Of course, I also noticed that most of the pictures on the reel were the card ranks. You know, like kings, queens, tens, nines and that kind of stuff.

Am I the only one who thinks this is a cop-out?

I mean, say you're designing a slot machine named Mermaid Queen. You ask yourself, what pictures do I need to include? You start writing out your list...pirate ship...fish, of course...hot red-headed chick...okay, kinda running out of ideas...umm, guy without a shirt...a clam will be kinda funny, 'cause of all that sexual stuff.

So you're out of ideas. You could include treasure chests, or a spyglass, or maybe a mermaid queen's crown or a trident or something, or (heaven forbid) a mermaid. But no, you choose the card ranks. Like every other game on the market, you go with the numbers and letters.

I bet these designers have a union, where it's stipulated they only have to come up with six pictures for each new slot machine. That's my theory.

As for the session itself, I lost won $56.80. Yes, I had a winning session.

It's been a long time, so I'm feeling pretty good about this "step" system so far. In two sessions, I've netted a gain of six dollars.

That's grinding out a small win, just like John Patrick teaches us to do.

I would have stayed longer, but my limit was $50 for either wins or losses. You cross that line at any time during the session, you walk away. I was kind of hoping to win a hundred thousand dollars on the spins that put me over, but I'll take the half a hundred any day.

The session was a long one. It lasted 36 paid spins. There also were bonus spins, right around 35 of those, too. In all, I won 21 of the regular spins, or more than half of the times I hit the spin button.

The wins were always small, though. I hit on 7 lines once, and only recieved back 85 cents. How is that possible?

I also had a few 7 and 10 dollar spins. The big win was on the bonus game. With an extra 29 spins on the one bonus, I ended up winning $89.25.

As you can see, it was a real come-from-behind win. I was down some 33 dollars, or two-thirds of the way to my loss limit, when I hit the bonus game.

It was a gritty performance, but I'm a gritty kind of guy. I'm a gritty slots player.

Just like my hero, John Patrick.

Starting Money: $542.38 Ending Money: $599.18

WINNING SESSION