Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Slot Systems and casinocitytimes.com
I had a real treat today.
This little blog was featured in Casino City Times, a major online source for casino and gambling information.
Having reread the post that was cited in the casinocitytimes.com column, I thought I would reintroduce the site to possible new readers. I also had a comment or two about that earlier post.
1. A Testimonial To Introduce My Site
"Hi. I'm Chuck Flick. I've won hundreds of dollars playing slot systems devised by John Patrick."
That isn't true, of course. I've lost hundreds of dollars playing those same systems, but I'm cheery about it.
Actually, my name isn't really Chuck Flick, either.
That's sorta my alter ego. Here's how it all came to be.
I was checking out at Kroger several years ago. The young lady at the register asked if I had a Kroger Loyalty Card, and I said, "Well, I don't think I do."
So she had me fill out my information, complete with name, address and e-mail address.
I suddenly realized I was going to be barraged with junk mail and spam from Kroger, so I gave all kinds of false info on the application. Chuck Flick was the name I came up with at a moment's notice.
Since that time, every time I fill out a loyalty card, I give my name as Chuck Flick. I love hearing the cashier say to me, after I produce my fake grocery store I.D., "Have a good day, Chuck."
My real name, you might ask?
Chucky McChuck. I'm Irish and stuff like that.
2. Fuzzy Math
My math was waaaay off on the number of John Patrick posts I'm going to have. I mean, it was off by a factor of five.
I mentioned playing five sessions for John's 25 different slots methods. Somehow, I added an extra five into my multiplication figures, coming up with the astronomical 625 posts for John Patrick's Slots alone.
Wow, that really would be stalking the old fellow.
Let me assure my readers; I won't beat them over the head with 625 John Patrick posts. Not unless he and I eventually end up starring in a sitcom together.
He could play my crotchety old granddad who's always peddling gambling systems. He moves into the house to hide from angry customers, making my life interesting as I try to cope with my wife leaving me or something.
I don't know what the name of the show would be. "One-Armed Bandits" is the first thing that comes to mind, but since neither of us has lost an arm, that just wouldn't make any sense at all.
I'll have to think about that one.
3. Bill Stone Will Help You Win the Lottery
This Bill Stone guy is a mess. He's a real piece of work. I'm pretty sure Bill also calls himself Giancarlo Capuccio, which is probably his name at the local Kroger food store.
For the record, Bill Stone claims to be a gambling expert. He sells e-books showing people how to win at gambling.
He once sent me an email showing me how to win the lottery.
That should tell you all you need to know about Bill Stone.
He's just one of the more notorious gambling "gurus", which dovetails with my final point.
4. I'm An Expert; Now Give Me Money
If you wanna be considered an expert, simply tell people you're an expert.
You might try this sometime. I'm telling you; it works. Read what I'm writing and learn it.
You can believe me, because I'm an expert.
That's not true. I'm no expert, especially about gambling. I kind of suck at it, to be honest.
Of course, I would suggest there aren't many slots experts. I mean, you hit a button and hope for luck.
If you're on the internet looking for free slots tips, let me save you the time searching around. Here's the sum of most slots wisdom you'll find:
Money management...slots myths...you didn't win because you didn't play my method properly...Charles Fey...don't leave a hot slot...random number generator, simply called an RNG...money management...lock up a profit...bet the maximum coins...cold machines comes in pairs...zig zag...money management...and, last but not least...when you learn my system, casinos will hate to see you come in the door.
I'm sure I'm missing something, but that's not a bad list. Most of it's just there to fill space.
Or you could remember that playing slots is just another form of entertainment, like watching a movie or a ballgame, and you're probably going to have to pay a little money to be entertained.
Otherwise, keep in mind the bottom line.
Bet one coin. Bet five coins. Bet one line, two lines or all the lines, if you want.
In the end, you're hitting a button and hoping for luck.
This little blog was featured in Casino City Times, a major online source for casino and gambling information.
Having reread the post that was cited in the casinocitytimes.com column, I thought I would reintroduce the site to possible new readers. I also had a comment or two about that earlier post.
1. A Testimonial To Introduce My Site
"Hi. I'm Chuck Flick. I've won hundreds of dollars playing slot systems devised by John Patrick."
That isn't true, of course. I've lost hundreds of dollars playing those same systems, but I'm cheery about it.
Actually, my name isn't really Chuck Flick, either.
That's sorta my alter ego. Here's how it all came to be.
I was checking out at Kroger several years ago. The young lady at the register asked if I had a Kroger Loyalty Card, and I said, "Well, I don't think I do."
So she had me fill out my information, complete with name, address and e-mail address.
I suddenly realized I was going to be barraged with junk mail and spam from Kroger, so I gave all kinds of false info on the application. Chuck Flick was the name I came up with at a moment's notice.
Since that time, every time I fill out a loyalty card, I give my name as Chuck Flick. I love hearing the cashier say to me, after I produce my fake grocery store I.D., "Have a good day, Chuck."
My real name, you might ask?
Chucky McChuck. I'm Irish and stuff like that.
2. Fuzzy Math
My math was waaaay off on the number of John Patrick posts I'm going to have. I mean, it was off by a factor of five.
I mentioned playing five sessions for John's 25 different slots methods. Somehow, I added an extra five into my multiplication figures, coming up with the astronomical 625 posts for John Patrick's Slots alone.
Wow, that really would be stalking the old fellow.
Let me assure my readers; I won't beat them over the head with 625 John Patrick posts. Not unless he and I eventually end up starring in a sitcom together.
He could play my crotchety old granddad who's always peddling gambling systems. He moves into the house to hide from angry customers, making my life interesting as I try to cope with my wife leaving me or something.
I don't know what the name of the show would be. "One-Armed Bandits" is the first thing that comes to mind, but since neither of us has lost an arm, that just wouldn't make any sense at all.
I'll have to think about that one.
3. Bill Stone Will Help You Win the Lottery
This Bill Stone guy is a mess. He's a real piece of work. I'm pretty sure Bill also calls himself Giancarlo Capuccio, which is probably his name at the local Kroger food store.
For the record, Bill Stone claims to be a gambling expert. He sells e-books showing people how to win at gambling.
He once sent me an email showing me how to win the lottery.
That should tell you all you need to know about Bill Stone.
He's just one of the more notorious gambling "gurus", which dovetails with my final point.
4. I'm An Expert; Now Give Me Money
If you wanna be considered an expert, simply tell people you're an expert.
You might try this sometime. I'm telling you; it works. Read what I'm writing and learn it.
You can believe me, because I'm an expert.
That's not true. I'm no expert, especially about gambling. I kind of suck at it, to be honest.
Of course, I would suggest there aren't many slots experts. I mean, you hit a button and hope for luck.
If you're on the internet looking for free slots tips, let me save you the time searching around. Here's the sum of most slots wisdom you'll find:
Money management...slots myths...you didn't win because you didn't play my method properly...Charles Fey...don't leave a hot slot...random number generator, simply called an RNG...money management...lock up a profit...bet the maximum coins...cold machines comes in pairs...zig zag...money management...and, last but not least...when you learn my system, casinos will hate to see you come in the door.
I'm sure I'm missing something, but that's not a bad list. Most of it's just there to fill space.
Or you could remember that playing slots is just another form of entertainment, like watching a movie or a ballgame, and you're probably going to have to pay a little money to be entertained.
Otherwise, keep in mind the bottom line.
Bet one coin. Bet five coins. Bet one line, two lines or all the lines, if you want.
In the end, you're hitting a button and hoping for luck.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Thor - Slots Game - Down the Steps Session #3
The next session took place during a marathon of slots I had a few weeks ago. You know, during the Stone Age when online gambling was legal and stuff. So allow me to introduce a new feature I call From the Files of Slot Systems.
Don't ask me what I post after I finish with my notes. Guess I'll have to start making trips to land casinos in the near future...and carry a notepad.
Or maybe I'll move to Antigua prematurely, before I make my million dollars. (sigh)
Whatever, these experiments may be a little harder to perform, but I'll figure out some way. I mean, governments often stand in the way of science. I'm pretty sure The Government tried to stop Pasteur from inventing milk.
So I'll sacrifice for my science, the way Pasteur and all those guys did.
During my next "Down the Steps" session, I played the Thor slot machine.
Now, I couldn't really tell you what they are doing with Thor in Marvel Comics these days. At least, I couldn't say without consulting Wikipedia.
Thor used to be the Norse god of thunder, son of Odin and the most powerful superhero in the Marvel Universe. Odin forced him to take the form of a crippled mortal doctor, but when he beat his crutch on the ground, Thor could still kick ass with the best of them.
Later, he became a registered nurse or an ambulance driver or something. I'm pretty sure he died. Even deities die when their monthly sales drop. Poor sales are kind of like Thor's kryptonite.
But I lost track of the story in there somewhere.
I mean, Marvel created an Ultimate Thor, who is either the god of thunder or a nut with a powerful hammer. Coincidentally, Ultimate Thor came from the Ultimate Marvel Universe.
Once there were two Thors, I kind of got sleepy head any time I heard anything about the guy.
So I'm not sure which incarnation of Thor is featured on the slot machine. This one looks like he's pretty tough, so I'm pretty sure this isn't the registered nurse.
The music is cool in this game. It plays when you win something, even when it's 45 cents. It's real dramatic stuff, like the music they used to play in those old Hollywood Biblical epic movies.
The pictures on the reels were top notch. There were all the standards: Mjolnir, Loki and Sif.
I've seen better pictures of Sif. I mean, we're talking the chick that Thor shacked up with. This should be one hot looking warrior woman. I mean, we're talking about the Xena of Norse mythology. She could take any two or three valkyries.
Of course, I think they maimed and later killed off Sif in the comics. I guess it's a real treat she was actually included. Don't ask me how they killed off a goddess. You know, it happens. (poor sales)
Of course, it's no surprise that Thor's woman got the axe.
I mean, that's what happens to superhero girlfriends. Most of them die in some awful way, usually after having an over the top encounter with Dr. Light. If they don't die horribly, then they become insane supervillains.
That's just what happens, except to Lois Lane, of course. She's the exception to the Dead and Crazy Girlfriends Rule.
My guess is the comics writers, mostly middle aged guys, have a real problem with women.
Either their wives give them hell all the time about getting a real job, or the wife left them for a truck driver. Either way, the writer is looking to take out his frustration, and so the love interest is on the receiving end of it.
That's just my guess.
But back to the slot machine. The rest of the images are concepts which have only a vague relation to Thor.
There's a typhoon. Then there's a viking ship. There's a hand with a cool looking shaped wristband, which glows mightily when it helps you win something. There is Thor's helm, a castle and a runic staff.
There's even a bored looking ice giant, which brings me to a question.
Why are giants in fiction always depicted as bored looking?
Let me present you with my theory.
Okay, giants sit around all day, waiting for some little guy to come slay them. It's gotta be dull as hell, honestly. In terms of excitement on the job, it's like being a security guard, except worse.
Unlike security guards, you don't have a television or a radio to keep you entertained. There's no watching the ballgame to pass the time. So it's really a whole lot worse than being a night watchman or something like that.
I mean, the hours are bad. The benefits are awful. It's the definition of a dead end job.
By the way, this session lasted 44 pulls. 16 of them were wins, though I never won anything over $7.50.
On the 44th pull, I had my 7th naked pull in a row. That was my pull limit, so the session ended.
Thanks to the pull limit, I only lost $13.50 on this session.
I was hoping for better luck. The Thor slots game is cool.
Guess I should have said a prayer to Thor before I started playing.
Starting Money: $690.41 Ending Money: $676.91
LOSING SESSION
Don't ask me what I post after I finish with my notes. Guess I'll have to start making trips to land casinos in the near future...and carry a notepad.
Or maybe I'll move to Antigua prematurely, before I make my million dollars. (sigh)
Whatever, these experiments may be a little harder to perform, but I'll figure out some way. I mean, governments often stand in the way of science. I'm pretty sure The Government tried to stop Pasteur from inventing milk.
So I'll sacrifice for my science, the way Pasteur and all those guys did.
During my next "Down the Steps" session, I played the Thor slot machine.
Now, I couldn't really tell you what they are doing with Thor in Marvel Comics these days. At least, I couldn't say without consulting Wikipedia.
Thor used to be the Norse god of thunder, son of Odin and the most powerful superhero in the Marvel Universe. Odin forced him to take the form of a crippled mortal doctor, but when he beat his crutch on the ground, Thor could still kick ass with the best of them.
Later, he became a registered nurse or an ambulance driver or something. I'm pretty sure he died. Even deities die when their monthly sales drop. Poor sales are kind of like Thor's kryptonite.
But I lost track of the story in there somewhere.
I mean, Marvel created an Ultimate Thor, who is either the god of thunder or a nut with a powerful hammer. Coincidentally, Ultimate Thor came from the Ultimate Marvel Universe.
Once there were two Thors, I kind of got sleepy head any time I heard anything about the guy.
So I'm not sure which incarnation of Thor is featured on the slot machine. This one looks like he's pretty tough, so I'm pretty sure this isn't the registered nurse.
The music is cool in this game. It plays when you win something, even when it's 45 cents. It's real dramatic stuff, like the music they used to play in those old Hollywood Biblical epic movies.
The pictures on the reels were top notch. There were all the standards: Mjolnir, Loki and Sif.
I've seen better pictures of Sif. I mean, we're talking the chick that Thor shacked up with. This should be one hot looking warrior woman. I mean, we're talking about the Xena of Norse mythology. She could take any two or three valkyries.
Of course, I think they maimed and later killed off Sif in the comics. I guess it's a real treat she was actually included. Don't ask me how they killed off a goddess. You know, it happens. (poor sales)
Of course, it's no surprise that Thor's woman got the axe.
I mean, that's what happens to superhero girlfriends. Most of them die in some awful way, usually after having an over the top encounter with Dr. Light. If they don't die horribly, then they become insane supervillains.
That's just what happens, except to Lois Lane, of course. She's the exception to the Dead and Crazy Girlfriends Rule.
My guess is the comics writers, mostly middle aged guys, have a real problem with women.
Either their wives give them hell all the time about getting a real job, or the wife left them for a truck driver. Either way, the writer is looking to take out his frustration, and so the love interest is on the receiving end of it.
That's just my guess.
But back to the slot machine. The rest of the images are concepts which have only a vague relation to Thor.
There's a typhoon. Then there's a viking ship. There's a hand with a cool looking shaped wristband, which glows mightily when it helps you win something. There is Thor's helm, a castle and a runic staff.
There's even a bored looking ice giant, which brings me to a question.
Why are giants in fiction always depicted as bored looking?
Let me present you with my theory.
Okay, giants sit around all day, waiting for some little guy to come slay them. It's gotta be dull as hell, honestly. In terms of excitement on the job, it's like being a security guard, except worse.
Unlike security guards, you don't have a television or a radio to keep you entertained. There's no watching the ballgame to pass the time. So it's really a whole lot worse than being a night watchman or something like that.
I mean, the hours are bad. The benefits are awful. It's the definition of a dead end job.
By the way, this session lasted 44 pulls. 16 of them were wins, though I never won anything over $7.50.
On the 44th pull, I had my 7th naked pull in a row. That was my pull limit, so the session ended.
Thanks to the pull limit, I only lost $13.50 on this session.
I was hoping for better luck. The Thor slots game is cool.
Guess I should have said a prayer to Thor before I started playing.
Starting Money: $690.41 Ending Money: $676.91
LOSING SESSION
Saturday, October 07, 2006
The X-Men - Slots Game - Down The Steps Session #2
I chose the X-Men slot machine for my next session of Down The Steps.
X-Men seem to fit the mood of the times. Xavier's bunch fight to protect the society which shuns and distrusts them, just like me. I get the idea if I lived in the Marvel Universe, the X-Men and I would get along just fine.
I'd probably have some minor mutant power, and my hero name would be "Flick". I would probably be able to record every moment of my superhero career and then psychically link that with technology, allowing people to see my exploits in real time on the internet.
I would be the p.r. person for the X-Men. Xavier wouldn't like it, but I might sway some public opinion for the mutants.
That's why they would call me Flick, because my life would be like a cheaply-made movie. It would be viral marketing at its finest, because you can't tell me people wouldn't want to see the X-Men on YouTube.
That is, if they have YouTube in the Marvel Universe.
Yeah, me codename would be Flick, but my few friends would call me Chuck, because they know who I really am and what I'm really like.
My enemy would be my evil twin brother. He would have the same powers, except they would call him "Snuff", because he would kill people and broadcast it online.
But that's only if I lived in the Marvel Universe.
On second thought, that would suck. "Flick" wouldn't be very popular, and Wolverine would eventually kill me in a tragic mistake.
So that would suck.
This machine has most of the cool characters as images on its reels. You know, the ones who are a lot cooler than that Flick character.
It has all the hot chicks, like Jean Grey, Storm, Mystique and Rogue.
It has the badass warriors like Wolverine, Sabertooth and Magneto.
It has the "leaders" like Xavier and Cyclops. I mean, Xavier is cool and all, but we all know Cyclops is lame. All he can do is fire a laserbeam, which half of the other characters can also do.
That's why Cyclops gets to be the leader, because he can't do much else. I guess they let him pilot the Blackbird, too.
See, lame characters get all the support jobs.
My guess is "Flick" would also do the repairs on the Blackbird. And he would probably prepare inboard movies for long flights to Genosha.
By the way, this was one of my quickest sessions. I hit the "naked pull" limit real quick.
For those just joining, a naked pull is a losing spin on the slot machine. If you have a certain number of them in a row, the session automatically ends. That's called a naked pull limit.
I've set 7 as my limit for these sessions. That's good number, because that machine has some bad karma coming off of it if you have seven bad spins in a row.
Besides, it gets pretty boring losing all the time. And the sound effects are even lamer and more annoying when you lose.
The session lasted only 9 pulls. The second one was a win for 9 dollars.
The rest of them were losses.
I lost around $36 on this session. Since my regular loss limit is $50, John Patrick's naked pull limit stipulation probably saved me 14 dollars.
That's money management at its finest.
Note to My Readers: These are records of my sessions from last week.
Due to the new laws being written up on Capitol Hill, I've been afraid all this week the entire D.O.J. would bust through my front door if I started writing about my online gambling sessions.
Okay, that was panic, and I understand that stuff hasn't been written into law or anything, but I want to go on record saying I'll be writing about my sessions from last week for some time to come.
Starting Money: $726.06 Ending Money: $690.41
LOSING SESSION
X-Men seem to fit the mood of the times. Xavier's bunch fight to protect the society which shuns and distrusts them, just like me. I get the idea if I lived in the Marvel Universe, the X-Men and I would get along just fine.
I'd probably have some minor mutant power, and my hero name would be "Flick". I would probably be able to record every moment of my superhero career and then psychically link that with technology, allowing people to see my exploits in real time on the internet.
I would be the p.r. person for the X-Men. Xavier wouldn't like it, but I might sway some public opinion for the mutants.
That's why they would call me Flick, because my life would be like a cheaply-made movie. It would be viral marketing at its finest, because you can't tell me people wouldn't want to see the X-Men on YouTube.
That is, if they have YouTube in the Marvel Universe.
Yeah, me codename would be Flick, but my few friends would call me Chuck, because they know who I really am and what I'm really like.
My enemy would be my evil twin brother. He would have the same powers, except they would call him "Snuff", because he would kill people and broadcast it online.
But that's only if I lived in the Marvel Universe.
On second thought, that would suck. "Flick" wouldn't be very popular, and Wolverine would eventually kill me in a tragic mistake.
So that would suck.
This machine has most of the cool characters as images on its reels. You know, the ones who are a lot cooler than that Flick character.
It has all the hot chicks, like Jean Grey, Storm, Mystique and Rogue.
It has the badass warriors like Wolverine, Sabertooth and Magneto.
It has the "leaders" like Xavier and Cyclops. I mean, Xavier is cool and all, but we all know Cyclops is lame. All he can do is fire a laserbeam, which half of the other characters can also do.
That's why Cyclops gets to be the leader, because he can't do much else. I guess they let him pilot the Blackbird, too.
See, lame characters get all the support jobs.
My guess is "Flick" would also do the repairs on the Blackbird. And he would probably prepare inboard movies for long flights to Genosha.
By the way, this was one of my quickest sessions. I hit the "naked pull" limit real quick.
For those just joining, a naked pull is a losing spin on the slot machine. If you have a certain number of them in a row, the session automatically ends. That's called a naked pull limit.
I've set 7 as my limit for these sessions. That's good number, because that machine has some bad karma coming off of it if you have seven bad spins in a row.
Besides, it gets pretty boring losing all the time. And the sound effects are even lamer and more annoying when you lose.
The session lasted only 9 pulls. The second one was a win for 9 dollars.
The rest of them were losses.
I lost around $36 on this session. Since my regular loss limit is $50, John Patrick's naked pull limit stipulation probably saved me 14 dollars.
That's money management at its finest.
Note to My Readers: These are records of my sessions from last week.
Due to the new laws being written up on Capitol Hill, I've been afraid all this week the entire D.O.J. would bust through my front door if I started writing about my online gambling sessions.
Okay, that was panic, and I understand that stuff hasn't been written into law or anything, but I want to go on record saying I'll be writing about my sessions from last week for some time to come.
Starting Money: $726.06 Ending Money: $690.41
LOSING SESSION
